Fic Surfing
by Icka M. Chif
Summary: Grab your remote control and prepare to surf thru random Detective Conan scenes!!! Makes no sense what so ever! We're up to #5... wow...
1. Take #1!

These are various amusing short scenes that just didn't fit into any story. So put them together and what have you got?  
...some really random scenes sharing a page... o_O;;  
  
Fic Surfing  
By Icka! M. Chif  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
"There is only one Tooth!"  
  
"Oi, Conan-kun. Isn't it 'Only one truth'?"  
  
"No, Tooth. It's loose. See?" Conan wiggles his loose tooth.  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
Ran threw her hands up in the air. "Honestly! 2 detectives in the house and NO ONE can figure out who's turn it is to do the dishes!?!"   
  
*** Click! ***  
  
"I know what I want to eat!" Genta proudly exclaimed. "Eel Sushi Pizza!"  
  
The Child Detective Group exchanged looks before simultaneously expressing their option.   
  
"Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!"  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
Ran pulled Hattori aside.   
  
"Would you please not call Conan-kun 'Kudo'?" She requested. "You're making it rather difficult for me to pretend I don't know."  
  
Hattori laughed nervously and sweatdropped.  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
If I said 'Aoko, you're a sex goddess, allow me to ravish you now', what do you think would happen?  
  
Pain. Lots of it. Immediately as well as later.  
  
Now if I said that to Akako, that would be a different story...   
  
Not that I would ever -want- to say that to Akako. I'd be tied up and ravaged before you could blink twice.  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
Ran grinned over the telephone. "And just how long does it take you to solve a mystery, oh great mystery detective?"   
  
"Well, that depends. Most are a matter of minutes, maybe hours. Some are days. Some can take years to solve." She could practically hear the smile in his voice as he relaxed.  
  
"Years?" She raised an eyebrow. "What mystery could take you years to solve?"  
  
"You."  
  
The silence afterwards nearly echoed, and Ran could swear she could hear a mental 'Oh, Shit' coming from the phone.  
  
"Uh, Talk you later. Bai!" Shin'ichi said quickly, hanging up the phone.  
  
She could only laugh, for once not minding that the phone call was rather short.  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
"Oi, Hiabara!"  
  
"Yeah, Kudo?"  
  
"You were a doctor, right?"  
  
"Scientist. But yes, I hold the equivalent to a doctorate."  
  
"So does that make you Dr. Watson to my Detective Holmes?"  
  
"Don't push your luck."  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
"Shin-chan!" His mother scolded, her fox ears pointing at him. "You've been hanging around ningen too much. Where are your manners?"  
  
"Yes, Okaasan." Conan sighed, his form shifting. Batwings appeared on his back as his ears turned pointed. As he took off his glasses, his silted cat pupils became visible.   
  
"Waiiiiiiiii!" His mother's tails started to wag. "You look so kawaii!!!! I'm glad you're back to looking your true age."  
  
"Okaasan..." Conan sweatdropped. Just because youko aged slower than humans was no reason to have to look it all the time.  
  
"You know, you really ought to hang around your own kind more often." His mother scolded, in full 'mothering mode'.  
  
"I do." He protested.  
  
"Chasing the Kuroba Kitsune kit doesn't count."  
  
"Hattori is a quarter Oni. From his grandfather."  
  
"Oh. Well, that explains the dark skin, doesn't it?" His mother mused, her ears twitching. "But still. You need to spend time with full blooded youko too."  
  
"But I'm a half breed too." He pointed out. "Really, Okaasan. A Kitsune and a Tengu breeding? What were you two thinking?!"  
  
"How were we supposed to know you'd turn out to be a Shinigami?"  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
"Ne, Kuroba. Why are you so afraid of fish anyway?"  
  
"You ever met a kappa face to face?"  
  
"No..."  
  
"There you go."  
  
*** Click! ***  
  
Fin.  
  
Ningen: human/humans.  
Kitsune: Fox spirit.   
Tengu: Crow spirit. Known to be wise old men, they hold the dual (and conflicting) reputation of being mischievous creatures and benevolent teachers.  
Shinigami: A God of Death.  
Kappa: Water spirit. They have turtle shells on their back and a bowl shaped indentation on their head that is full of water to give them super human strength. Rumoured to pull small children under water to drown them. They love cucumbers and sumo wrestling.  
Oni: Think Western Ogre, they are fearsome warriors. The males usually have very dark skin. In Buddhist mytho, they are the ones that guard the gates of hell. You often see statues of them at the entrances to Buddhist shrines.   
Bakemono/youko: Generic terms for deamon.  
  
...in case you haven't noticed, we LIKE the Japanese deamons. 


	2. Take #2!!

Disclaimer: Don't own nobody, not making money, everyone belongs to their respective owners, I'm just playing with them a bit!  
  
Note: Found we liked the format of 'Kaito Kid Outtakes' better than just the plain old '*** Click! ***' between scenes, so that's what we're gonna do.  
  
Fic Surfing: Take 2!  
by Icka! M. Chif  
  
*** Some random insanity to start off the fic... ***  
  
"I think it's time to pull out our secret weapon." Conan said gravely.  
  
The other members of the Child Detective Force gasped, taking some steps back from him. "No! Not that! You can't be serious, Conan-kun!"  
  
"I'm afraid I am." Conan said seriously, his eyes temporarily hidden by the glare off his glasses. "It's time to unleash... the Spoon."  
  
  
*** And now we know why it's a Murder Mystery Show ***  
  
"And on today's show, we'll be doing 'Cooking with Ran-neechan!"  
  
"I'm her assistant for the day, Conan-kun!"  
  
"Alright, we'll start with something simple, making cookies. Okay, Conan-kun, please bring the bag of flour over to the table while I get the milk and the eggs."  
  
"Haiiii!"  
  
"Wait! Conan-kun! Look out for the-"  
  
::CRASH!::  
  
"Ahhhhhh!!"  
  
::BANG!::  
  
::BOOM!::  
  
::FWOOSH!::  
  
"Oops."  
  
"And on today's show, we'll be doing 'Fire Fighting with Ran-neechan'..."  
  
*** Yeah, I'm addicted to cartoons too. ***  
  
"Kill 'em, Kill 'em, Gotta Kill 'em AALLLLLLLLLLLLLL-"  
  
"Vodka?"  
  
"Yeah, Aniki?"  
  
"No more Saturday morning cartoons for you."  
  
"Dammit."  
  
  
*** Worked for Jessica Rabbit... ***  
  
Sato had a stressed look on her face as she surveyed the scene. "Alright kids, explain this to me one more time. Slowly."  
  
"Well," Conan pushed his glasses higher on his face. "Azumi-chan got tired of always being grabbed by the bad guys."  
  
"And not being able to fight."   
  
"So we decided to give her a weapon."  
  
"And it worked!"  
  
"Yes, but..." Sato glanced at the unconscious man on the ground with a comically large bump on the back of his head. "A frying pan?"  
  
  
*** Random Introspective Time ***  
  
Ever heard the phrase 'Smiled so much my face hurts'?  
  
Seems rather silly, doesn't it? A smile is supposed to be a good thing, it shows that you're happy.  
  
So why would a good thing hurt so much?  
  
Take Conan-kun for instance. Sometimes when he smiles at me, calling me his 'Ran-neechan', it looks like he's walking on needles and knife points. It's like his heart is bleeding inside, and yet he cannot help but to smile, regardless of the cost. Shin'ichi had the same look on his face the last time I saw him.  
  
And why do I get the feeling that when Shin'ichi leaves, I'll loose Conan-kun?  
  
I don't want to loose either of them, I love them both too much. Conan-kun my little brother, miniature protector, confidant and partner in mischief all rolled into one. Shin'ichi is... Shin'ichi. There's no other way to describe it. He's as much a part of me as one of my hands and yet as apart from me as one of his smiles.  
  
Shin'ichi and I have always done everything together, much like Conan-kun and I do now. Why couldn't I have followed him where ever he went this time too?  
  
And when we do see each other, why do our smiles hurt so much?  
  
  
*** You wear a disguise to look like human guise, but you're not a man, you're a Chicken, Boo! ***  
  
"Ran?"  
  
"Yeah, Conan-kun?"  
  
"I think there's something wrong with your father."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"He's a chicken, I tell you. A giant Chicken."  
  
"It's not nice to call people names, Conan-kun."  
  
"But..."  
  
*The disguise falls off*  
  
"Suddenly I'm in the mood for Orange Chicken. How about you, Conan-kun?"  
  
"BWAWK!!!"  
  
  
*** Here's a new twist ***  
  
"Ai-chan! Is Agasa-sensei there please?" Ran said desperately into the phone, sounding panicked.  
  
"He just stepped out for a bite to eat." Hiabara said calmly. "What seems to be the problem?"  
  
"It's Conan-kun!"  
  
"Conan-kun? What's wrong with him?"  
  
"Well, he claimed his stomach hurt, then steam started coming off of him... then..."  
  
"Then what?" Hiabara asked, panic start to colour her tone as well.  
  
Ran looked down at the 6 month old boy she was carrying. Conan cooed at her, attempting to play with her hair. "... He shrunk."  
  
  
*** The Modern Sherlock Holmes vs. The King of Games. Who would win? ***  
  
"Here's another riddle for you, 'Game King'." A familiar voice echoed out of a small hamburger joint. Ran froze, then quickly ducked into the restaurant, looking around.   
  
A brown haired girl with a name tag that read 'Anzu' met her at the door. "May I help you?"  
  
Ran paused, looking around the room. A laugh from a booth in the back caught her attention. "Not bad, Detective. Care for another riddle?"  
  
"Certainly. It's always a pleasure to match wits with you." Shin'ichi's voice replied, as smooth and confident as the stranger's.  
  
"Shin'ichi?" She quickly walked towards the booth. As she did, the shadows in there seemed to waver a bit, then solidify.  
  
A boy dressed in dark clothes with strange multi-coloured spiky hair and Conan-kun looked up at her from the booth, his bow tie in his hands. "Conan-kun?" She blinked, surprised.  
  
Conan grinned back at her. "Hi, Ran-neechan!" He chirped cheerfully, gesturing to the chessboard that sat between them. "Yuugi-san was teaching me how to play chess. Wanna play?"   
  
  
*** Your Public Service Announcement for the Day. Thank you. ***  
  
This is Hattori Heiji.  
  
"Hello!"  
  
This is Hattori Heiji with Kazuha.  
  
"Ah-ha! I know who the murderer is -and- how they did it!"  
  
This is Hattori Heiji without Kazuha.  
  
"Where's my shirt?"  
  
Any questions?  
  
  
*** Child Detectives ***  
  
Conan gave the 3 boys a serious look. "So... you're detectives?"  
  
The CLAMP Campus Detectives smile politely and nodded. "Yup!"  
  
"So... what's with all the sparkles and the bubbles?"  
  
"It's a Shojou thing." Souh explained with a shrug. "You get used to it after a while."  
  
"Ah." Conan sweatdropped.  
  
  
*** Why being small sucks. ***  
  
"Thanks for helping me with the laundry, Conan-kun." Ran said, taking the bundle of clothes that the small boy offered her and putting them in the dryer.  
  
"It's no problem, Ran-neechan." He said politely, grabbing some more clothes and passing them to her.  
  
"Still..." She shoved the load into the dryer and shut the door. "Laundry always goes by faster when someone's with you."  
  
Ran started the machine and picked up the now empty laundry basket. "Ready to leave, Conan-kun?"  
  
There was no response. She looked around. "Conan-kun?!"  
  
A pounding from the dryer caught her attention. Conan was in the dryer, pounding on the window as he tumbled and tossed with the clothes inside. "Get Me Out Of Here!!!"  
  
  
*** Let's play the Name Game! ***  
  
"Ready to go, Ku-ko-Conan?"  
  
"Let's try that again, Hattori."  
  
"Ready to go, Kudan?"  
  
"...."  
  
"You're a real pain in the butt sometimes, Kunan."  
  
"Thanks. So are you. Try it again."  
  
"Konan."  
  
"Almost there."  
  
"Conan."  
  
"Very good. Want a lollipop?"  
  
"How about we call you 'Hey, You' instead?"  
  
"Could always call you 'Hotohori'.   
  
"Conan it is."  
  
"Glad you could see it my way."  
  
  
*** Conan Discovers the Joys of Duct Tape. ***  
  
Ran looks up. "Dad? What are you doing on the ceiling?"  
  
  
*** Child Detectives Take 2! ***  
  
"So no one gets killed on your cases?" Conan looked surprised by the revelation.   
  
"Nope. Although we do find a lot of lost objects." Noroku said cheerfully.  
  
"What's the challenge in that?" Conan wanted to know.  
  
It was the CLAMP Campus Detectives' turn to sweatdrop.  
  
  
*** Life is like a Rose. Gotta watch out for the pricks. ***  
  
White Rose for Peace.   
  
Even if I am a Thief, I don't desire to harm any one.   
  
Yellow Rose for Friendship.   
  
Above all others, Aoko is the one most worthy of this.  
  
Red Rose for Love and Passion.  
  
I have yet to give someone this rose. Someday, with a little luck, I will.  
  
  
*** Signs you've been watching too much Digimon. ***  
  
"Conan tantei-volve into... Shin'ichi!!!"  
  
"Kaito transform into... Kaitou Kid!"  
  
"This bites."  
  
"True, but it could be worse. We could be a sentai team."  
  
  
*** Fin. ***  
  
Wow... Lotta crossovers in this one. ^^;;  
  
Hotohori = The Emperor from Fushugi Yuugi. All hail the Giant Chicken of DOOM!!!  
  
Shojou = Girl's comic. Detective Conan is a Shonen, or boy's comic.   
  
Sentai team = Power Rangers is a classic example. Classically has The Leader, Sarcastic Second in Command, The Big, The Girl and The Kid.   
The Child's Detective Force could be a Sentai Team. Genta = The Big, Mitsuhiko = Sarcastic Second in Command, Azumi = The Girl and Conan doubles both as The Leader and The Kid.  
How scary is that? 


	3. Take 3!

More completely random and senseless scenes that have crossed our mind at some point or another. When the file got over 10k, we figured it was time to post...  
  
Fic Surfing Part Tri  
By Icka! M. Chif  
  
*** I think my computer has this... ***  
  
The Kaito Kid Virus:   
It sneaks into your computer, posts a cryptic fore-warning message, then steals your most valuable information. The Virus then either gives it to someone else, or returns it in a few days.   
  
*** This is true. ***  
  
"Ahou!"  
  
"Look who's talking!"  
  
Kazuha closed her eyes and stuck her tongue out at Hattori. "Biiida!"  
  
He returned it. "Biiida!"  
  
Conan idly looked up from where he walked along side the Kansai Couple. "You do realise that sticking your tongue out at someone means 'Kiss Me Quick and Don't Slobber', right?" He deadpanned.  
  
Conan snickered as they quickly straightened, their fight forgotten.   
  
  
*** Don't think he's interested... ***  
  
Kaitou burst into the classroom and cowered behind Aoko. She eeped and swatted his hands when he grabbed her skirt. "Kaitou!" She roared, reaching for something handy to swat him with.  
  
"You've gotta hide me!" He yelped, startling her into in-action.  
  
"Huh?" This was a first. Kaitou was usually too fast and quick for anyone to catch him, much less send him into hiding.  
  
"It's Hakuba." He hissed urgently. "He's driving me insane!! He keeps following me around, LEERING and asking if I'd like to steal his 'Family Jewels'!!!"  
  
Aoko just stared at him with her mouth open, but un-able to speak. She wasn't quite sure how to deal with that one...   
  
  
*** Never make fun of the Kansai Couple ***  
  
"Ahou!"  
  
"Ahou!"  
  
"Ahou!"  
  
"Ahou!"  
  
"Oh, would you two stop 'Ahou-ing' each other and kiss already!?"  
  
"...."  
  
"...."  
  
"I'll hold down his arms if you'll hit him, Kazuha."  
  
"You got yourself a deal, Heiji."  
  
  
*** This is Ysabet's fault. ***  
  
"Back foul deamon! Torment me no longer! Your vampiric powers are useless now, you cannot work your wiles on me!!!" Hakuba cackled, waving a garlic rosary at Akako with one hand and brandishing a silver cross and a bottle of holy water with the other. "Bwahahahahahahaaa!"   
  
With that, he ran out of the room, shouting something about the chickens being out to drain him of blood.   
  
Kaitou blinked, then leaned over towards Akako's seat. "You're not stalking him, are you." It was more of an amused statement than a query.  
  
She shook her head, a bemused smile crinkling the corners of her mouth. "Nope."  
  
"Ah." Kaitou nodded, then mused something over for a second. "Why are you still stalking the Kid anyway?"  
  
"Because you've got a cute butt." Akako purred.  
  
He froze, his brain attempting to process this information and came up with an error message. Warning. Warning. Systems Crash. Mental Meltdown. Restart. Rebooting systems. Reverting back to last safe topic of discussion.   
  
"Too many late nights chasing the Kid for Hakuba, huh?"  
  
Akako snickered. "Looks like it." She agreed.  
  
  
*** Back up plans are your friends. ***  
  
"Conan-kun! Everyone! Are you alright?!" Ran knelt down to get a better look at the Childs Detective Force as they ran up, grinning from ear to ear. "I heard that you got kidnapped!"  
  
"We're fine!" Mitsuhiko assured her. "Conan thought up a way to make the bad guys let us go!"  
  
"He did?" Ran blinked, peering closer at the glasses wearing boy.  
  
"Uh-huh!" Genta agreed, rubbing an ear. "He started singing '100 bottles of Green Tea' really really LOUD! They let us go before he even got to 95!!! And even turned themselves over to the cops!"  
  
"Conan..." Ayumi confided, shaking her head. "...Really can't sing."  
  
Conan sweatdropped. "Heh."  
  
  
*** Smile! ***  
  
Someone once asked me why is it that I'm smiling all the time.  
  
I told them I had gotten the joke.  
  
They looked puzzled and asked 'what joke'.  
  
And I smiled.  
  
That was about the time that Aoko-chan hit me with a mop for confusing people...  
  
  
*** He's jinxed. ***  
  
"I'm telling you for the last time, Hattori!" Conan protested as they walked down the street. "Dead bodies do not follow me around like lost puppies!"  
  
There was a scream as the elderly gentlemen they had just passed fell over on the sidewalk. "Omigod!" Someone shouted. "He's dead!"  
  
Hattori raised a pointed eyebrow at Conan, a smirk climbing across his face.  
  
The small not-boy shoved his hands further down his pockets and glared. "Oh, shut up."  
  
  
*** Co-Written and sung by Bill Mumy, the original Will Robinson from Lost in Space ***  
  
"Aoko-chan?" Kaitou asked, cutting his friend off in mid-warble.  
  
She smiled sweetly. "Yes, Kaitou-kun?"  
  
"Can I make a request?"   
  
"Depends."  
  
"Well, you've got a lovely singing voice and all, but do you think you could see something -other- than 'Fish Heads'?"  
  
"-Fish 'eads! Fish 'eads! Eat them up YUM!"  
  
  
*** If it's not Godzilla attacking Tokyo... ***  
  
"Conan-kun?"  
  
Conan glanced up from his perch on the kitchen table. He was a little mussed up, like he had been running around. "Yes, Ran-neechan?"  
  
"Is that..." She trailed off, eyeing the small off-white wiggling mass that appeared to be a cross between a blob and a tentacle monster as it crawled across the kitchen floor.  
  
"Ramen?" The small boy finished for her. "Yes."  
  
"Ahh..." She nodded, incredulous. "And the microwave?"  
  
"Lost the last round to the ramen. It had been winning before that." Conan supplied helpfully, apparently completely un-phased by the radioactive cooking apparatus doing what appeared to be an Irish jig.  
  
"They're wrestling?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
Ran paused. "What happened?" Microwaves and ramen noodles weren't supposed to move under their own power, even if this was Tokyo.  
  
"I tried to make some instant noodles." He said as if that explained everything.   
  
He paused, then helpfully added "I think the microwave really doesn't like me..."   
  
  
*** Nakamori is nowhere close to Commissioner Gordon. ***  
  
There was a slightly lull in Inspector Nakamori and his men's meeting on how to capture the Kid. They'd all been over the information so many times that they hall knew it in their sleep. Backwards.  
  
One of his men decided that this was the perfect time to throw out a new theory. "I think the Kid is a Batman fan."  
  
Nakamori raised an eyebrow. "Batman? Why?"  
  
"Well, he keeps giving us riddles before his heists, just like what's his name... the Riddler."  
  
It was strange, it was bizarre, and it made a twisted sort of sense, Nakamori mused.   
  
"I think that would make Hakuba Saguru one of Batman's villains too." A second officer piped up. "The one with the pocket watch and the obsession with time... Tempus Fugit."  
  
  
*** The view from floor level ***  
  
Legs.   
  
Legs everywhere.  
  
Short legs, tall legs, fat legs, skinny legs, knobbly legs, all sorts of legs.  
  
It's a forest of legs. A sea of ever moving limbs.   
  
And not a sign of the ones I'm looking for.   
  
Dangit, I'm gonna get Ran an anklet that says 'Property of Kudo Shin'ichi' for the next time we get separated in a crowd...  
  
  
*** Battle of the Masters of Disguise! ***  
  
Kaitou ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a samurai.  
  
Vermouth ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a samurai.  
  
They looked at each other, eeped and charged back to their respective dressing rooms.  
  
Kaitou ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a pirate.  
  
Vermouth ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a pirate.  
  
They look at each other, yelled and ran back to their respective dressing rooms.  
  
Aoko blinked and glanced down at Conan, who was calmly watching, munching on a bag of popcorn. "How long have they been at this?"  
  
Kaitou ran out of a dressing room, dressed as an old man.  
  
Vermouth ran out of a dressing room, dressed as a old man.  
  
They looked at each other, screamed and dashed back to their respective dressing rooms.  
  
Conan checked his watch. "About 2 hours. Popcorn?"  
  
  
*** Back to the literary roots ***  
  
"You won't get away with being the forever, you know." Hakuba leered, leaning over Kaitou in an effort to intimidate the thief. "I'm the Holmes to your Lupin."  
  
"Even if I were the Kid, I would hope not." Kaitou replied back smoothly. "Holmes ends up killing Lupin's lady. If you hurt Aoko I'm afraid that all bets are off."  
  
"Oh, so you and Aoko -are- a couple then." Hakuba smirked.  
  
Kaitou's mind went blank. "Uh..."  
  
  
*** Hey man, don't diss the hair. ***  
  
"You got a point, Kudo?"  
  
"You mean besides the one on the side of your head, Hattori?"  
  
"...."  
  
"That's not funny!" Hattori growled.  
  
Conan snickered. "Yes it is!"  
  
  
*** Humourscope.com is fun! ***  
  
"What's in the horoscope today..." Kaitou mused, flipping thru the newspaper. "Lets see... Hey, Hakuba! Here's your horoscope for the day!"   
  
The blond detective glanced up, sparing an idle interest in the thief's antics. "People are starting to take you a bit too seriously." Kaitou read. "Try wearing your bunny slippers to work."  
  
There was a moment of silence as they both absorb this information. "I don't have bunny slippers." Hakuba dead panned.  
  
"That's right. He has horsie slippers." Akako nodded.  
  
"Quiet, you."  
  
"What's mine?" Aoko asked.  
  
"A person wearing a bandana on his head and brandishing a cutlass will dash by you today, saying something that sounds a bit like "Arrrr". "  
  
"That's funny, you did that this morning." Aoko blinked. "Are you making this up?"  
  
"No... it's what it says." Kaitou shook his head, slightly puzzled.  
  
"What does yours say?" Akako asked, looking interested.  
  
"Um, here it is... 'Would you just -Stop-? Nobody else feels the need to dance around like that...' "  
  
Another moment of silence passed.  
  
"Humph." Hakuba turned his attention back to his book. "I could have told you that."  
  
  
*** Poor Takagi. ***  
  
Conan walked up beside Takagi, who was staring after Sato like a love sick puppy. He paused a moment, then casually commented "You really like her, don't you?"  
  
Takagi was so far out of it he didn't' bother to deign it. "...yeah."  
  
"Does she like you?" Conan asked.  
  
"I'm not sure." The older man let out a sigh. "I'd like to think so."  
  
"It's okay." Conan assured him quietly, looking much older than his supposed handful of years. "My love life's not doing much better either."  
  
The small boy paused, gave himself a small mental shake and wandered off, leaving Takagi to wonder about him getting relationship help from a first grader...   
  
****  
Birthdays:  
Hakuba: 29 Aug [Virgo]  
Kaitou (Same as Gosho): 21 June [Gemini/Cancer Cusp]  
Aoko was born sometime in September. (So either a Virgo or a Libra)  
Shin'ichi/Conan: 4 May [Taurus]  
  
The one blamed on Ysabet is because she introduced me to a vampire web comic called 'Bite Me'. Hakuba's rant is based off of it. Go read it. Is funny!  
http://www.dieselsweeties.com/projectkooky/dylan/biteme/biteme.html 


	4. Take 4!

The exclusively Kid Snippets were removed from ff.net a while back. Need to post them here.   
-after our tech guy stops throwing computers and monitors across the room maybe... o_O *hides*  
  
  
*** Ever read Jeff Smith's 'Bone' comic? ***  
  
The Kaitou Kid sneaks out onto a little itty-bitty fragile looking ledge over looking a river. "Ha! There's no way those cops would follow me out here!"  
  
He blinks. The cops have followed him out on to the ledge.  
  
The ledge begins to crumble.  
  
"STUPID STUPID POLICE OFFICERS!"  
  
~SPLASH!~  
  
  
*** A little bit of inside knowledge can be fun ***  
  
"C'mon, Aoko!" Kaito grinned. "We've got to study for that test tonight! No rest for the wicked and all that!"  
  
Aoko raised an eyebrow towards her enthusiastic best friend. "And you're wicked?"  
  
"More than you know." Hakuba snickered.  
  
  
*** Catch me catch me, catch you! ***  
  
"Someone's going to catch you yet!" Hakuba roared as the Kid launched himself of the building.  
  
"Someone already has!" The Kid shouted back with a grin. "She just doesn't know it yet!"  
  
Aoko paused next to Hakuba as the 2 of them watched the thief disappear into the distance. "What does he mean by that?" She asked, puzzled.  
  
Hakuba just sweatdropped.  
  
  
*** Stray thought ***  
  
Aoko walks up and kisses Kaito on the cheek.  
Kaito blushes, gets a dopey grin on his face and walks into a wall.  
  
Akako walks up and kisses Kaito on the cheek.  
Kaito gives her a strange look and wipes his cheek off with the back of one sleeve when he's sure she's not looking.  
  
Hakuba walks up and-  
On second thought, let's not go there.  
  
*** Stray thought: Flip side ***  
  
Kaito walks up to Aoko and kisses her on the cheek.  
Aoko blushes bright red, stammers for a second before going off to find her mop and chase him around the room.  
  
Kaito walks up to Akako and kisses her on the cheek.  
Akako grins, and tries to kiss back.  
  
Kaito walks up to Hakuba and-  
No, let's not go there either...  
  
  
*** Kaitou Kid Message Service ***  
  
On his face:  
*Nakamori stumbles down the stairs, blurry-eyed from just waking up*  
Aoko: Um, Dad? There's something on your face.  
*Nakamori looks in the mirror*  
Nakamori: AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!  
  
Blimp:  
Cop: How'd he change the text on the blimp?  
Nakamori: Gaargh!  
  
Take over Nakamori's favourite radio station:  
Radio: And now we bring you something completely different, the Kaitou Kid's latest message!  
Nakamori: Bwah!?  
  
Mail:  
Aoko *sorting mail*: Death threat, death threat, junk, Mop of the Month club -mine, junk, another death threat, message from Kaitou Kid... Dad, It's for you.  
Nakamori: Agh! Why does he DO that?!  
  
Windup Toy:  
Mechanical Kid: Chika-chika-chicka- ::BOOM!::   
*Toy explodes in a shower of sparks and confetti, leaving the message behind*  
Nakamori: I'm really starting to hate him.  
  
Written on a Rubber Duckie in the Bathtub:  
Duckie: Squeak!  
Nakamori: WAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!  
  
  
*** He ranks! ***  
  
"Oooo..." Aoko stomped her foot, glaring at Kaito. "You are the SECOND most INFURIATING person on this Planet!!!"  
  
"Second most?" His smile slipped slightly as it was replaced by a puzzled expression. "Who's the first?"  
  
"The Kaitou Kid." Aoko growled, speeding up to charge ahead down the sidewalk.  
  
Kaito grinned as he followed her, feeling somewhat accomplished that he ranked both first and second.   
  
  
*** Actually a fan of these... ***  
  
It was more annoying than claws down a chalkboard and louder than a pack of cats in heat. It was horrible. It was terrifying. It was-  
  
Conan looked out the window and felt his jaw drop.  
  
When the heck did the Kaitou Kid learn to play the bagpipes?!  
  
  
*** Not gonna ask how he got them in the first place. ***  
  
"Kaito?" Aoko blinked as her best friend appeared out of the bushes, wearing a very familiar large brown jacket and cap. "Why are you wearing Hakuba-kun's clothes?"  
  
"Shhh. We're playing a game." He winked, shooting her a grin full of merry devilment.   
  
She raised a suspicious eyebrow. "What game?"  
  
"KUROBAAAAAAAAA!!!" Hakuba charged at the lithe magician, looking madder than a bull in a china shop. "Give me back my deerstalker!!!"  
  
Kaito cheered, taking off running again. "Cops and Robbers!!!"   
  
  
*** [sings] And I'm craaaazzzyyyy... just like yooouuu....***  
  
"Wait a minute." Hakuba reached over and peered the deck of cards that Kaito was playing with in class. "Let me see those."  
  
"Okay." Kaito shrugged and handed them over.  
  
The British detective scowled and quickly flipped through them. "Ah-HA! I knew it!"  
  
"Knew what?" Aoko asked, puzzled.  
  
"There are some cards missing." Hakuba flashed them the card faces, a triumphant smirk on his face. "He's not playing with a full deck!"  
  
Akako rolled her eyes. "We could have told you that."  
  
  
*** Yup. ***  
  
"You just have to have a sarcastic comment ready for everything, don't you?" Kaito smirked at Aoko.  
  
The Dark Sorceress shrugged. "A girl's gotta get her kicks somehow."  
  
  
*** Everyone has an off day sometimes. ***  
  
"You have the right to shut your big yap." Sato growled, snapping the handcuff on the culprit. "If you do not shut your big yap, your big yap may get shut for you."  
  
"Sato-san!" Takagi stared at his partner, a shocked expression on his face.  
  
"Sorry." She apologised, a bit shame faced. "...It's been a long day."  
  
  
*** Timing is everything ***  
  
"I don't get it." The Kid griped out loud. "Why is everyone so surprised when they find I out that I might actually be a nice guy? I don't go around killing people, I cause minimum property damage and I'm polite to everyone."  
  
"Oh, I don't know." Conan deadpanned. "Maybe it would work better if you said that when you -weren't- currently casually tossing tonight's heist from hand to hand?"  
  
"... Oh."   
  
  
*** They're not being pervy, they're just being good friends. ***  
  
Hakuba looked down at the bound, gagged and unconscious Kaito at their feet, then up at mop wielding blue eyed girl who had just knocked out said magician. "Are you sure that was completely necessary?" He inquired.  
  
"Yes." Aoko said firmly, a dangerous gleam in her eyes.  
  
Akako raised a sceptical eyebrow.  
  
"Kaito -hates- fish." Aoko explained, a hint of impatience in her tone. "We're going to the Aquarium today for the school field trip. THIS won't even last getting him through the door."  
  
Hakuba and Akako exchanged looks and rapidly reached a decision.   
  
"I'll go grab some handcuffs and duct tape." Hakuba volunteered as he quickly walked off.  
  
Akako agreed, quickly following the blond detective's lead. "I think I have a straight jacket somewhere..."   
  
  
*** [sings] right about now, I am the sexist man in Jamaica. The girls love me and I shall never grow old... ***  
  
"Agasa-hagsei is asleep." Ayumi said softly, peering at the older scientist, who had his head on his desk, snoring softly.  
  
"He was up late last night." Ai agreed, fetching an afghan and placing it over his shoulders.  
  
"Hmm." Ayumi nodded, helping to tuck him in. She paused a minute, then ran a small hand over the cloud of hair at the back of Agasa's head. "His hair is so soft and long..." She marvelled.  
  
Ai snorted, crossing her arms. "I keep saying he needs a haircut." She grumbled.  
  
Ayumi paused for a moment, then smiled, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a small handful of ribbons. Ai looked on curiously as the small girl then started to separate the white hair into easily to hold strands and began to plait it. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Braiding his hair." Ayumi said innocently. "I've got some ribbons, and I thought they'd look pretty in his hair."  
  
Ai paused for a moment, then a slow smile spread across her face. "How many ribbons do you have, Ayumi-chan?"  
  
"Lots."  
  
"Perfect." She smirked. "I wonder how many braids we can put his hair into?"  
  
  
*** He's not the only one. ***  
  
Hakuba paused and checked his watch for the fifth time in so many minutes. Aoko blinked, looking at him with concern. "Is something wrong, Hakuba-kun?"  
  
"I'm waiting." He said seriously, his eyebrows crinkling down in a frown.   
  
"For what?" She asked innocently.  
  
"Kuroba-kun." He closed his watch with a snap. "I managed to out-quip him this morning, and his counter strike should be coming along right about now."  
  
Right on cue, Kaito went running past, waving a rubber hose over his head like it was a live dangerous snake. "EEENNNNEEEEMMMMAAAA!!!"  
  
They stared at the magician's retreating back moment, then Hakuba turned around and began to walk away, looking much like he had just bit into a lemon. "It's official. I am disturbed now..."  
  
  
*** Silly WAFF won't leave me alone. Blargh. ***  
  
Kaito had been quiet all day. Too quiet. It was starting to get on Aoko's nerves.   
  
It was almost like he was depressed. But Kaito was never depressed.  
  
Usually if she was depressed, he'd do something to cheer her up, like have her chase him around the room, or give her flowers, or something.  
  
But she couldn't exactly do that for him, could she?   
  
He stopped in front of her house, his head slightly bowed as it had been all day, his eyes distant, as if they were turned inward to something she couldn't see. "Then I'll see you tomorrow, Aoko." He commented as if on autopilot.  
  
She stopped behind him, leaning forward to rest her forehead on one of his shoulders. She was leaning close enough that they weren't actually touching, but a slight shift on either parts would change that. "Kaito..."  
  
He swallowed, the first reaction she'd gotten out of him all day. "Yeah?"  
  
"You know I'm your friend, right?" She asked softly. "If there's anything I can do to help, you know all you have to do is say something, right?"  
  
There was a pause, and she was afraid she might have said too much. Then he let out a long breath, his muscles relaxing. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. Thanks, Aoko, I needed that."  
  
She smiled. "You're welcome." She gently tapped him on the back with the side of a fist. "Now get out of here, we have homework to do."  
  
"Right." He stepped away, much to her minor dismay, shooting her a grin that had nothing to do with mischief and everything to do with happiness. He handed her a flower that appeared out of nowhere. "Thanks again."  
  
She accepted the flower with a grin of her own. "Anytime."  
  
He shot her another grin and a cheerful wave as he started back down the street, a bounce back in his step. Aoko watched him go, half aware that there was probably a sappy grin on her face but not caring.   
  
Sometimes everyone needed to be reminded that they weren't alone.  
  
  
***  
  
Some of the scene breaks are song titles. One is 'Crazy' by Bare Naked Ladies, and another one is 'Sexiest Man In Jamaica' by Mint Royale. Don't own them, but the songs are amusing.  
  
And once again, Hakuba gets picked on. Poor Hakuba, we're actually becoming a fan of him...   



	5. Take Go!

Most of these were posted on our LiveJournal, so to those who read it, it'll be a recap. To anyone else, new stuff! -lots of drabbles too. 

Fic Surfing part... 5? *blinks* Wow...

*** The thought of Hakuba in a cowboy hat amuses me ***  
  
"I know!" Kaito grinned. "Let's try something none of us have done before!"  
  
"Something you haven't done?" Aoko asked, an amused eyebrow raising.  
  
"Yup!"   
  
"And I haven't done?"  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"Or me?" Akako challenged.  
  
"Pretty sure."  
  
"Or Hakuba?"  
  
"Yup!"  
  
Hakuba looked intrigued. "And that would be-?"  
  
"Country Line Dancing!"  
  
The British Detective Crossed his arms. "No."

  


*** We're waiting for it to burp them back up. ***  
  
"Wow...." Keiko breathed, her eyes wide in shock. "Do it again...."  
  
Aoko shrugged. "Okay."  
  
She set another comb on Kaito's head, who was once again, asleep at his desk. And once again, he was the source of amusement and awe for the class.  
  
The hair around the comb almost seem to writhe and wiggle, then wrap itself around the plastic comb, drawing it closer to itself like a sea anemone drawing its paralysed prey towards its mouth to be devoured. The comb slowly disappeared into the mass of wavy brown hair until it completely vanished from sight.  
  
"Ooooo..." Keiko breathed. "Kaito's hair really does eat combs!"  
  
"Yes." Hakuba commented drolly. "I am rather amazed it doesn't run screaming instead." 

  
*** Makes sense, ne? ***  
  
Ran tilted her head at Kazuha, giving her a thoughtful look. "Kazuha-chan? Can I ask a question?"  
  
Kazuha shrugged. "Sure, Ran-chan. What's up?"  
  
"Why -do- you always have a ribbon in your hair? I don't think I've ever seen you go without one."  
  
The Osaka girl grinned. "Oh, that's easy." With one smooth motion, she pulled it from her hair and tossed one end of it at the Kansai Detective. It grew as it flew through the air and tangled around him. He let out a startled 'Urk!' as Kazuha gave a sharp a tug on the ribbon, sending him flying back. He landed next to her, a rather dazed expression on his face as she triumphantly held the ribbon like a leash.  
  
Ran looked down, paused then nodded, understanding crossing her face. "Ah. It's a Heiji-controller." 

  
*** Akako isn't evil. She's mini-evil. Quasi-evil, even. ****  
  
"No."  
  
"But-" Akako wheedled.  
  
The blond detective remained resolute. "No."  
  
"If-"  
  
"No."  
  
She crossed her arms, sulking. "You'd let Nakamori."  
  
"Aoko-chan won't plant the marker on me when she's done drawing on Kuroba's sleeping face." Hakuba calmly pointed out.  
  
"Oh, poo." 

  
*** Drabble #1: Another reason for the chase scenes. ***  
  
"Question for you, Kuroba." Hakuba spoke up, catching the magician's attention.  
  
Kaito raised an eyebrow at the blond detective, smirking slightly. "That's never stopped you before."  
  
"True." Hakuba barely blinked at the retort. "We all know your acrobatic skills, it would be simple matter for you to merely remove the mop from Aoko-chan grasp and avoid getting hit. Why do you continually let her chase you with it?"  
  
"Because if she doesn't have that mop, she'll use anything else around that's handy." Kaito grinned. "Can you picture her running around chasing after me waving a frying pan?"  
  
Hakuba grimaced. "Point." 

  
*** Shin'ichi should really know better than to argue with females. ***  
  
Haibara sniffed. "I never make mistakes."  
  
"Ever?" Conan raised an eyebrow, the sarcasm practically oozing from his posture.  
  
"Well..." She deliberated. "I thought I had made a mistake once, but I was wrong."  
  
Conan fell over.

  
*** Once again with the Bugger jokes... ***  
  
"Hakuba." The magician stood in front of the detective's desk solemnly. "I want you to promise me something."  
  
Hakuba raised an eyebrow. "Promise you what?"  
  
"Never EVER say 'Bugger the Kid'."  
  
Said eyebrow rise higher. "I take there is a reason behind this-?"  
  
"I just overheard the girls talking by Keiko's desk." He looked slightly disturbed. "They're placing odds."  
  
"So?" Hakuba pointed. "Their betting has never bothered you before."  
  
"They're helping Koizumi come up with witty retorts if you do."   
  
The blond's eyes widened a bit. Anything the sorceress came up with would be A: Bad, B: Disturbing, C: Embarrassing, or D: All of the above.  
  
"You have my solemn oath."  
  
"Thank you."

  
*** Drabble #2: 'Red Pill, Blue Pill' remix by Junkie XL is disturbing. Fun, but disturbing ***  
  
Ai hands Conan 2 capsules, each a different colour. "You take the blue pill and the story ends." She says seriously, gazing at him with solemn eyes. "You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe."  
  
"You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. The choice is yours."  
  
He pauses, thinking as he looks at the innocent looking capsules in his hand. "And if I choose neither?"   
  
Her answer is calm and immediate. "Then I choose for you."  
  
"Ah." With that he swallows a capsule. 

  
*** Dances with Mists ***  
  
Fog. He loved fog. There was just something mystical about the way it covered the earth in a silvery white blanket, turning everything ordinary into a glimmering wonderland.   
  
Of course, his alter ego loved fog even more. White wasn't exactly easy to hide at night in, but it did blend in perfectly with the shifting vapours.  
  
Also was great fun popping in and out of the mists both as him self and as the Kid to surprise people. With a little help from a simple prop, of course. It was so much fun to watch people jump sometimes.   
  
Speaking of which, his target was just in sight now…  
  
Aoko looked up at him in amusement tinted exasperation. "Oh, take the sheet off your head, Kaito. I know it's you."  
  
"Dangit." 

  
*** Drabble #3: From Ann's Pomp Universe ***  
  
It felt odd, Kaito mused as he turned a page, not to have any policemen around while he was inside the bank. Sure it made his job easier, but it almost made him feel that something was lacking. Less of a challenge.  
  
Of course, it also felt really odd not to have sent a notice out before tonight's caper. But then he really wasn't –stealing- it, just borrowing it for the night. With a little luck, nobody would ever know.  
  
But he really hadn't wanted to leave England before finding out what happened in the next Harry Potter novel first… 

  


*** Fun with Humourscope.com! Again! (20 May 2003) ***

**Shin'ichi: Taurus**  
_"Try being entirely honest for a week. That's a fine way to develop a clear conscience. Personally, I prefer my method, though -- a poor memory."_  
  
Ran looked at Conan with serious sombre eyes. "Conan... Are you really Shin'ichi?"  
"Uh, uh...." Conan panicked, looking for the best way to get out of this when his brain had a bit of an epiphany. Plausible deniability. He plastered the best innocent look he could summon on his face. "Who?"   
  
**Kaito: Gemini/Cancer Cusp**  
_(gemini): "Today you will watch something like a hawk. Basically, you do that by having unblinking beady little eyes, and a brain the size of a peanut."_   
  
Kaito stared.   
Aoko sweatdropped.  
Kaito stared.  
Aoko looked around nervously, hoping no one else would notice her friend's intense fascination. Kaito Stared.  
"Uh... Kaito?" Aoko cleared her throat. "You might want to eat your chocolate dipped ice cream cone before it melts..."   
  
**Hakuba: Virgo**  
_"You will be struck by an odd thought, today. Fortunately it will be only a glancing blow, and will do little actual damage."_  
  
Hakuba was concentrating, trying to figure out a way to prove once and for all that Kuroba was the Kaitou Kid when a stray thought hit him.   
What if Kuroba WASN'T the Kid?   
Then it passed and he shook his head to clear his mind. How preposterous. Really, Kuroba not being the Kid. Right. And he was the Pope in Rome...   
  
**Aoko: Libra**  
_"You will snidely snicker at someone today. That's not going to make you many friends, you know. Instead, you should cheerfully chuckle."_   
  
"Oi! Aoko!" Kaito bounced up to his friend. "What's up?"   
Aoko turned around and -leered-, a look that was more familiar on Koizumi's face than her own, a low snicker coming out.   
Kaito screeched to a halt and quickly back-pedalled away, his eyes wide in a combination of shock and terror.   
The expression broke as she started to chuckle, her face resuming it's normally cheerful expression. "Always wanted to do that." She grinned.   
  
**Icka!: Scorpio/Sagittarius Cusp:**  
_(Sagittarius): "You will have a nightmare tonight, in which you find yourself dangling from the ceiling, while brightly coloured paper maché animals with glowing eyes file into the room. One of them will be carrying a stick. Perhaps you shouldn't eat so much candy before going to bed?"_

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! IT'S THE REVENGE OF THE PLOT BUNNIES!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"   


**** end ****

Uh... no, haven't seen any of the Matrix movies, so I don't know what goes on from there. The 'Red Pill Blue Pill' song sometimes comes on after midnight late Saturday mornings on a weekly electronica show, and tends to get stuck in our head. You'll be able to hear it on the new Animatrix.

The plot bunnie about the Harry Potter novel came from The Leaky Cauldron, about how the transcript was kept in a locked vault when it wasn't on the editor's person. Last book, her car was broken into several times when people tried to get a sneak peek. ^^;;

Many thanks to Ann for letting us play in her universe! Kaito in England... too much fun! Go read it! *wiggles in glee* She and Becky and Ysabet are wonderful Professional Bad Influences, yes. Not me, nope nope nope... *wanders off whistling innocently*


End file.
